Year of the Self

Sitting at the Peace Corps office delaying the inevitable dark hole of research into available peace corps money and grant writing making this the perfect time to write what I am sure has been a long awaited blog post. I have been enjoying the cooler, rainy weather of Lilongwe, the wonderful warm showers of Mustafas, and the company of a random group of some silly peace corps volunteers.

The month of January has dragged on, flown by, and proven to be a significant transition month into the next period of my service. I have started two pretty intimidating projects; drilling a borehole and starting a medicinal garden at the health center. The acquisition of a new borehole in the community is a huge undertaking that will take a legitimate commitment from the villagers and the medicinal garden has the potential to bring an entirely new set of health resources for many groups in the area. However, people believe (at least I think they do) that I will be their leader to obtain a goal I am not quite clear about yet. I have never done anything remotely similar to this but the committees in my village are looking to me for information, guidance, and obviously resources. I am incredibly intimidated by the depth and scope of these two projects; worried I don’t possess the ability to empower others to help themselves, to lead through service, to communicate through action and authenticity, not words.

Of late, I have been reading and reflecting on a book about leadership I received for Christmas from my dear old mother, Sally. The slant of the book is about leading from the inside out (please note the facetious tone I am using) through the examination of yourself. The book has been very helpful, though I am struggling to apply the concepts effective in corporate America in a cross cultural setting, mostly because I am not receiving the kind of feedback I can easily interpret within the comfortable setting of straightforward american-ness. As a result, one part of me is yearning for feedback from those people who have known me for a longtime, people who have analyzed situations and pumped me up when I was feeling uncertain. Yet, there is the other part of me that acknowledges this as living up to my personal theme of 2011 which will be the year of the self; self-reflection, self-motivation, independence, self- support. January embodied this theme perfectly and I have every reason to believe February will follow in its footsteps.

As the leadership reflections have urged me through the winding path of this crazy thing we call my life, the I can tell the luster of Malawi is wearing off and the realities of my challenges are appearing. I can feel my level of positivity, which has been unnaturally high this past year, returning to a more regular level. I still feel strong at this point in my journey and am in good spirits, just feeling the burn as I move up the mountain.

Thank you for the plentiful birthday wishes and happy energy I know you all have been sending me. I feel so much more mature and legit now that I am 24 and in the last year of my early 20s. I am definitely taking myself more seriously now (also note the facetiousness). Ha

Love! Chloe